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by blackcoffeeandteardrops



Category: Nashville (TV)
Genre: F/M, Finally, deacon tells the truth, in which they work things out
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-01-27
Updated: 2015-01-27
Packaged: 2018-03-09 08:14:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,895
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3242618
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blackcoffeeandteardrops/pseuds/blackcoffeeandteardrops
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It takes time, but they find their way back to each other. Set post s3 mid season finale.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Begin Again

**Author's Note:**

> Cross-posted from FFN. I'm still in the process of moving everything over here.
> 
> Anyway, I love Deacon and Rayna so much, and so I wanted to write out my interpretation of how it would all go down, provided I was in control. I don't know what TPTB plan on doing, but here's hoping they let these idiots figure it out sooner rather than later.
> 
> Thanks for reading!

A clearly emotional, mussed up Rayna is not what Scarlett expects when she opens the door. Seeing the red head, eyes clearly puffy from crying and bouncing back and forth on her heels, she finds herself at a loss for words. It's not the first time she's opened the door to see her, but today of all days makes the instance seem odd. "Shouldn't you be…you know, getting ready? Holed up in a hotel room somewhere, pampering yourself for—"

"Is Deacon here? I need to talk to him."

Scarlett opens her mouth, fully prepared to send her away, when suddenly everything clicks into place. Despite the evidence of tears, there is a nervous smile on Rayna's face and an energy that Scarlett hasn't felt around her in a long time. When Rayna pulls her hand from her pocket to rub her arms in the cold, she can't help but notice she's not wearing a ring. There is a sense of relief—perhaps, finally, her uncle and the only woman he's ever loved can finally work this mess out—but it's met with a bittersweet feeling, because now it may be too late. "Why don't you come in? I'll make some coffee."

Rayna follows her inside, relieved to be out of the elements. She sees Deacon's bedroom door closed, pointing towards it. "He's sleeping?"

Scarlett moves around the kitchen, preparing the coffee, and she cranes her head over her shoulder to reply. "He's not feelin' too well," she replies, hoping Rayna will leave it at that. As much as she deserves to know, if for no other reason than being the mother of his child, she knows it's not her story to tell.

The women are quiet as the coffee brews, Scarlett tidying up the dishes in the sink and Rayna staring at her phone. Since speeding away from Luke's place, he hasn't called or sent a text like she thought he might, but even if he had she knows it wouldn't change her mind. Still, she knows Bucky will have to be informed, if he hasn't been already. In a few hours, the paparazzi will catch the news too, and she'll have to write some sort of statement, but for now all she wants is to feel like the world will be normal again.

"Okay, I'm sorry, I have to ask," Scarlett says, breaking her from her thoughts. She places a mug before her at the kitchen table before sitting down across from her with one of her own. "Actually, I don't. But Rayna…do you wanna talk about the giant elephant in the room, or am I supposed to act like it doesn't exist?"

Rayna laughs before bringing the mug to her lips. She drinks slowly, both to relish the warmth and to also give herself a chance to collect her thoughts. The entire drive over she'd debated going elsewhere, but in reality Deacon's was the only place she wanted to be. "You mean the fact I'm here and not getting ready for a wedding with hundreds of guests?"

Scarlett shrugs, appreciating her head on approach. "Yeah. I guess."

"Well, I suppose you'll hear it eventually…" Rayna sets her mug down, rubbing her hands over her face. The exhaustion is catching up with her, but she knows sleep is a long way off. "I might have just come from Luke's, where I drove to call off the wedding. I came here because—"

"Because you love Deacon."

"I came here for a lot of reasons, Scarlett. But yes, I came here because that's one of 'em."

Scarlett is quiet for a few moments, her eyes widening at hearing Rayna finally admit what she's long suspected. "Wow."

Mistaking her silence for anger, Rayna launches into an explanation. "I don't expect anything to happen, I need for you to know that. I just wanted to ask him if I could—" she stops upon seeing Scarlett fail at stifling a laugh.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, please don't think that I—" Scarlett pauses, trying her best to regain composure. "Anyone ever tell you that y'all have terrible timing?"

"Multiple times, yes. But why are you saying that now?"

It's only now that she realizes her mistake. "No reason. Just that when the tabloids get wind of this, y'all are all in for a world of drama. You really wanna drag him through that again?"

Rayna shakes her head. "I don't want to drag any of us through that again. I'm not expectin' some big, romantic reunion. And I like that you're protective of him. I do. The rest is something I'd rather save for him."

Scarlett studies the expression on Rayna's face; up close, the circles under her eyes are more noticeable, and she knows Rayna has to be tired. "I know this is a pretty stupid question for someone who just called off their engagement, but is everything all right?"

It's not the first time a question such as that has been asked recently, and she knows without a doubt it won't be the last. Rayna shrugs her shoulders and sighs. "Nothin' I can't handle."

Scarlett finishes her coffee and takes the mug to the sink. "I don't wanna be rude, but I have a feelin' I won't be needed in this next conversation. And well, I have a friend that needs me right about now. So-"

"Thanks, Scarlett. I appreciate the help."

The house is silent a few moments later when she leaves. Rayna stares around the kitchen and realizes how long it's been since she's been in this place by herself. Granted, Deacon is a few rooms over and sleeping, but there's something about it that she finds a little unsettling. As much as she wants him to just wake up so they can talk, she also wants to prepare herself for the moment when the conversation comes as much as she can. She pours herself another coffee, wandering into the living room and settling on the sofa with a guitar magazine she finds open on the table. She doesn't have to wait long, because a couple of minutes later she turns her head at the sound of his voice.

"Hey Scar, I was thinkin', maybe we should go out for dinner tonight. Hit up Jack's or that-" Deacon stops halfway through the room, clearly startled by Rayna being there. "Ray," Deacon breathes her name, blinking a few times and shaking his head, like he can't make it make sense. "What are you doin' here?"

Rayna sits up straighter, flipping the magazine back to the page where she found it as she sets in on the table. His disheveled appearance, hair askew and clothes rumpled, does something to her-it always has-and she has to remind herself to keep a clear head. "I think you might wanna sit down for this conversation, Deacon. Come on, sit."

"Is it Maddie? What's happened? If she's hurt, we need to-"

"Maddie's fine," Rayna insists, patting the couch cushion next to her. "I've just got some things I'd rather you hear from me and not some trashy tabloid magazine."

Deacon does as she asks, sitting on the couch, and it's then that it clicks for him. "Aren't you supposed to be preppin' yourself for the wedding? It's all anyone seems to wanna talk about anymore. Turned on the local news earlier, and even they were going over the lavish plans some source had given 'em. Luke won't be too happy if he finds out you're here."

Had it been any other time she would have made a comment about how strange it was that he'd even watched the news at all, because it just didn't seem like something he'd do, but she needed to get the words out before she lost her nerve. "He's not happy with me at the moment anyhow, so it really doesn't matter. The wedding's not happening, Deacon. I called it off."

"You called it off?" Deacon asks, the words sounding so strange even as he says them. He looks at her hands, almost for confirmation, and is still somehow relieved to see that she's not wearing a ring at all. He may have been feeling weak before-the trip to the hospital, the countless tests, and Scarlett's worrying took their toll on him-but seeing Rayna nod her head yes undoes him in a different way. "I am so sorry."

Rayna laughs, surprised when she feels a tear slipping down her cheek. "You know, if you were anyone else, I really wouldn't believe you."

"Well, I am. I mean, I haven't exactly made it a secret how I feel about this whole mess, but as long as you're happy, that's what most important to me. I just haven't done a very good job of showin' that lately, have I?"

"It's okay, really. To tell you the truth, I've been doing some thinking. I haven't had much time to do that lately, but when I have, it's made me realize some things. Some things I probably should've realized a long time ago." Rayna says the words, nodding as she says them, because for once she's sure of the direction she's taking.

"Why'd you show up here, Ray?" Deacon asks, deciding not to dance around it anymore. As happy as he wants to be at what he thinks it might mean, a part of him is still reminded of the times he's poured his heart out to her, only for her to rip it to shreds. He wants to be angry, to tell her that it's too late, but he can't. He remembers the diagnosis the doctor gave him just hours before, how they had told him in no uncertain terms that while they weren't entirely certain, his outlook wasn't too good. That Rayna would show up that same day, potentially offering him exactly what he's been waiting for all along, almost feels like a cruel twist of fate, and yet he wants nothing more than to seize whatever chance of happiness he has left.

She breathes in deep, knowing this isn't the only conversation they'll have on the topic, but also knowing that they need to start somewhere. "I couldn't do it. I started thinking about my future, my kids' future, what all of our lives would be like. And I had myself convinced, you know? I talked myself into thinking the life with him was what I wanted. But I realized that it's just not." She shakes her head, pausing to wipe away the tears pooling in her eyes. When she turns her head to face him, his gaze is so focused on her that she wants to look away, but she can't. The next part is something she needs for him to understand. "I don't have it all figured out yet. I've spent so long being attached to another person, that it'd probably be a little ridiculous if I did. But what I know for sure is that I can't do to him what I did to Teddy."

"And what's that?" Deacon asks. He bites his tongue, afraid that he's pushing her too much this time, while simultaneously wanting to push just a bit more.

"I can't pretend," Rayna says it as if it's the most simple thing in the world, and it makes her feel freer than she has in a long time. "I can't pretend that I'm happy, stuff myself into some kind of mold, and go on hoping the moment will come when the happiness is actually real. It's not what I want anymore."

He releases the breath he hadn't even realized he was holding, fully aware that they're on shaky ground. "Then what do you want?"

"That's actually what I wanted to talk to you about," Rayna replies. She smiles, resisting the urge to reach out for his hand, because she knows she needs to be level headed in order for this to work, and she gets the feeling that touching him would decrease the chances of that happening. "Deacon, I want this to work. And maybe I don't deserve it, but after everything that's happened, everything I've been putting myself and the girls through for over a year now, I just need a little time."

It's now that guilt starts pricking at his conscience; the doctor used the word cancer as a very high possibility, and he knows he should tell her. Still, the last thing he wants to do, especially now, is give her any chance to worry without knowing for sure. "I've waited this long, so I can wait longer, if it's what you need."

"I just want to do what's best for me. Which brings me to my next point. I was kind of hoping I could ask you for a favor. Maybe I don't deserve it, but-"

"I meant what I said, Ray. Whatever you need, if it's somethin' I can help with, I will."

"Thank you. It probably goes without saying, but once TMZ or whoever else catches wind of what's happened, it's gonna be crazy. Tandy's going to be in town for a little while, so she can hold down the fort with the girls. Or I can bring them with me. Either way, I just feel like I need to get out of dodge for a bit. I'd hate to impose, but if there was any way I could stay at the cabin for a few days, I'd appreciate it."

Deacon nods, surprised that he hadn't thought of it before she had. "Yeah, of course. Let me get you a key." He shuffles into the other room, grabbing a silver key on an old key chain. He hands it to her, making a mental note to a local contact to have the place cleaned up by the time she gets there-not bottles this time, but dust and cobwebs, because it's been a while since he's made the trip up himself. He walks her to the door, and they hug a few moments longer than normal, neither wanting to break apart. When they do, he hold the door open for her, watching as she leaves. "You gonna be okay?" he asks, kicking himself because he knows if she was aware of what happened with him she'd be asking him the exact same thing.

Rayna turns his way, putting the key in her pocket for safe keeping. "I don't know," she says, honest for what feels like the first time in a long time. "But I sure hope so."


	2. To Tell the Truth

"So you're sure you're okay? You don't need me to drive up there?"

Rayna pushes her sunglasses to the top of her head, smiling as she overlooks the lake behind Deacon's cabin. "Tandy, I appreciate the concern, but I'm fine. Enjoying not having to pose in front of cameras for a few days, actually."

Tandy laughs, but there's something else itching at her, and she has to know. "Have you heard from him?"

"Tandy-"

"What? It's a perfectly reasonable question," Tandy replies.

"He agreed to let me stay here for a few days to get some space, that doesn't have to mean anything at all."

"You know, what's interesting is that you automatically assumed I meant Deacon and not Luke," she says, but there's no accusation in her voice. She hadn't actually been that surprised when she heard her sister called the wedding off, but she just hopes she finds contentment, whatever that means. "I saw him yesterday, by the way."

Rayna sits up straighter in her chair, swatting at the mosquito invading her space. She takes a gulp of the sweet tea by her side before replying. "Him meaning Luke? What happened?"

"Yes, him meaning Luke. Nothing, really. I was with the girls at the time, so I suppose that's why he didn't make a scene. He might have gotten blood in his mouth from biting his tongue when Daphne mentioned I'd just picked them up from guitar lessons at Deacon's though."

Rayna can't help but laugh, despite the slightest tinge of guilt at it being at Luke's expense. She stares down at her bare ring finger, thinking how she'd almost married the man. While she recognized her feelings for him, she wonders now if what she'd felt had actually been love. "If he's angry, he has every right to be. I could have gone about it a better way."

Tandy sighs, her frustration for this particular line of excuses becoming evident. "Honey, you can't beat yourself up about it. You knew you didn't want to marry him, so you turned him down before it got even more complicated. You'll spend the holidays at home in Nashville rather than in some random hotel in Australia for crying out loud. You are coming home by then, right?"

While she figures her sister is joking, there's a part of Rayna that for a moment wonders what would happen if she doesn't. It's a surprisingly warm day at the cabin, and while she wouldn't particularly want to take a swim in the lake for fear of the water being too cold, she thinks for a second what it might be like if she could spend every day doing just what she's doing now-relaxing and enjoying herself for once. "Of course I am. I'd miss the girls too much. And you. And also Bucky, too, you know. How's he taking to you being back in town, by the way?"

The direction of the conversation has shifted, and it's clear Tandy's not too comfortable with it. "We haven't talked much, just saying hello. That's it. We both expressed worry for you about how this looks to the press, but it'll be fine."

"I don't care how this looks to the press. Maybe I should, but what I care about is what's best for me. What I care about is my life and where it's going. If people don't like it, they don't have to pay attention," Rayna replies, surprised a bit at her own sudden spark of interest in taking a stand. The other end of the line is quiet so long she begins to think the same thing has happened to for Tandy, too. "You okay?"

"I could ask the same thing of you. I'm just glad to hear you standing up for yourself, that's all." Tandy sounds farther away for a moment, and Rayna hears her yelling something at one of the girls before hearing a crash. "Listen, honey, I've gotta go. Daphne's science project just fell on the floor. Promise me you'll take care of yourself?"

Rayna smiles, happy that life seems to, for the moment, be relatively normal. "Of course."

They hang up, and for a minute or two she just sits there, phone in her hand. She thinks of how easy it would be to go back home, plunge into her music even harder than before, and pray that it all blows over. It can only be a matter of time until some other act covers the headlines with something else newsworthy. She thinks of the as-yet-unaired Christmas special they filmed at her home and how awkward it will be if the network still chooses to let it play. She's talked to the girls about it some; while both are okay with her decision, it's Daphne who seems at least a little hurt. The poor girl has had so much change in just a short amount of time-they both have, if she's being honest-and what she wants more than anything for the both of them is for the world to feel normal again. What she wants for herself is similar, and yet she finds herself at a loss for how to get there.

Close to the porch steps, two squirrels fight over a prized nut they've found. Overhead, a bird caws loudly. The wind kicks up, causing the trees to litter leaves on the ground. And yet, over all these sounds, Rayna hears the distinct rumble of an engine approaching. She frowns, curious because there's not another house around for a good while. The sound stops and she hears a door slamming shut, and it's now she realizes someone's arrived. Briefly, she wonders if Tandy had actually been on her way the whole time. Until she hears the sound of the front door opening. She'd locked it earlier when she'd gone out for a walk, and she hasn't been to that side of the house since she got back, and only one-perhaps two, she thinks-other people would have access to a key. She closes her eyes, gripping the arms of her chair. Of course he would come.

"Ray, you here?"

Rayna grips the arms of the chair as she hears him call her name a few more times, growing closer. She gets up at last, gathering the courage to face him. In the kitchen she frowns, curious as he sets several paper grocery bags on the counter. "What's going on?"

Deacon starts removing a few items from the bags, replying as he puts a few cans of vegetables away. "I called a buddy of mine that lives up this way to make sure everythin' was ready when you got here, but I figured there was some things maybe he didn't think of."

Rayna has to laugh when he pulls out a chocolate bar from one of the bags. When he follows it up with a box of popcorn, she smiles. "You always did know my junk food weaknesses."

"Yeah, I reckon I did," Deacon's replies. He weighs a box of pasta in his hands, uncertain. He's driven the whole way, stopping only to pick up groceries a few miles down the road, but now that he's alone with her again, he's not quite sure what to do.

Rayna picks up on his apparent anxiety, studying the way he moves about the kitchen-placing a carton of milk in the fridge, some coffee and a box of cereal in the cupboard-all the while not looking her way. She crosses her arms, resting her hip against the counter. "Everything okay?"

"What?" Deacon asks, startled. The worry on her face makes him feel guilty. She clears her throat across the room and he looks up, offering a shrugs as he matches her eyes with his own. "Yeah. I'm fine. Listen, I'm sorry for showin' up out of the blue, unannounced like this. I guess I just wanted to be a good host. Kinda failed at that by not at least callin' you first."

"It's your house, Deacon. You have every right to be here. I do gotta be honest though, I was a bit surprised to see you."

Deacon remembers a time when it could have been not just his, but theirs, and how he'd done a royal job of screwing that up. She has every right to be angry at him for all the hurt he's caused, and yet the fact that she's forgiven him time and again makes him more grateful than she'll ever know. It's the fact that she's even willing to try again that's driven him here, but there's also something else. Since hearing his diagnoses, he's known he'd have to tell her eventually, and he wants her to know before it's too late. "Do you trust me?"

"Of course I do," Rayna replies, without hesitation. "Why?"

He considers telling her right then. It would be easy to just spill all of the words out without stopping. He could simply tell her the truth and trust that she'd do with it whatever she wanted, but as the thought crosses his mind, he knows he can't do that. This isn't something you can just dump on someone's lap without warning, at least without a little fiddling around first. "Then I need you to trust that I have a reason for showin' up here unannounced. But I'd like to make you some dinner first, if that's all right."

She studies him, noting the nervous energy that his movements are filled with, and she knows without asking that it's something important. Before coming to the cabin, he'd agreed to give her whatever space she needed to do the thinking she had to do. He'd even offered to bring the girls up after she got a little time to herself, if it was what she wanted. They'd talked about it, which made him showing up alone all the more unexpected. "Sure," she replies, not wanting to push on whatever boundaries he's apparently set for himself. "I'll just be outside if you need me."

Deacon goes about preparing dinner, a simple pasta dish with salad and homemade garlic bread. They eat in relative silence and after they're done Rayna insists on cleaning up, saying it's only fair. Deacon business himself while she does with his guitar, settling on the back steps and strumming a few chords. He's brought a notepad and pen, and he pauses a few time to jot down a few lines. Rayna's comes outside a little while later, quietly observing for a few minutes before sitting down on the steps next to him. "You working on something?"

Deacon shrugs it off, trying not to focus on how close they're sitting to each other. "I can't quite figure the second verse out. But you wanna hear what I have so far?"

Rayna nods, happy to see him more at ease, but she knows him well enough to realize he's sui g the guitar as a block to further stave off whatever he came to say. She offers a few suggestions for the second verse, even singing a little to help him work it out, but eventually curiosity gets the best of her. "Deacon, you didn't come here to write music with me, did you?"

Deacon shifts to face her, clinging to the guitar like it's a safety net. "Maybe a little bit. I love writin' with you, you know that."

"And I love it, too. But can you just tell me what's going on? I gotta be honest here, I'm kind of-"

"I don't know how to-" Deacon interrupts her, but pauses as he debates the best way to phrase it. "The day you called off the wedding, I got some other news. It turns out I was sick. Am, actually. I probably should have told you that day when you came over, but you already had so much goin' on, I didn't think it was right to pile more on top of it."

"Sick?" Rayna asks, the word tasting dry and hollow, like ash. "How sick?"

It's now that Deacon sets his guitar aside, resting it against the steps. He rubs his hands against his legs, almost like he's not quite sure what to do with them, until Rayna grabs one and holds it with her own. She laces her fingers through his, giving his hand a gentle squeeze, and he owes it to her to respond. "I've got another appointment early next week to say for sure, but the doctor already seemed to think it was cancer."

There's an orange glow filling the sky as the sun sets, a sure sign the day is ending; squirrels hurry to their hiding places, birds begin securing themselves in nests, and the insects that pestered her earlier have calmed down. Rayna is aware of all of this, and yet she can't bring herself to enjoy the simplicity of it all like she might have earlier in the day. Everything has essentially come to a screeching halt, and for a moment she has to remind herself to breathe. "Cancer?"

Deacon feels a lump growing in his throat. He's supposed to be the strong one, and yet all he seems to be able to do is fall apart. "It's karma, right? Or a really bad joke. I cleaned up my life, did the best I could. Yeah, I know that I've made more than my share of mistakes, but I'm workin' on it. Truly."

"Does Scarlett know?"

He nods, because this is something he actually knows for certain, unlike most things at the moment. "She was with me when I found out, but there's no one else, aside from the doctors. And now you," he says, lowering his gaze. He takes a deep breath, regretting what he says next already, but feeling like it needs to be said. "I just...I just needed you to know. I know you've been doin' some thinkin', and so I wanna be open about everythin' with you. And, well, Maddie's gonna want someone to talk to. If you're okay with her findin' out, that is."

It's at this that Rayna's heart breaks, because of course in the midst of apparently fighting for his life he's more concerned about her and Maddie than himself. "Deacon," Rayna says, her voice think with emotion. Her eyes are watery as she holds his hand, waiting to continue until he looks back at her. Suddenly things like Christmas specials that might air and articles about the wedding-that-wasn't don't seem as important. She brings his hand to her lips, kissing the back of it. "We are gonna fight this, you hear me?"

Maybe she's saying it out of obligation, or maybe she means it truly, but either way he's glad to finally have the weight of her not knowing the truth off his shoulders. "Yeah," he says, voice rough. "I really do."


End file.
